Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I would fuck him just for his dog
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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