Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
