Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
