It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My liver just had a heart attack.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize