I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
