Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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