ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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