i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
