He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
