Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
