who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
