someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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