We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
