apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
