They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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