Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
