About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
