I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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