It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize