Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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