So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
