You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
