just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
