We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
