Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
