I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
