I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
