You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
