Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
