I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
