I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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