i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Randomize
