How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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