Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
