Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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