I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
