alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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