Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
