I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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