Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
