His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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