Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
