someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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