you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
