I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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