Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
