You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
