dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
