I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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