i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
