It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize