Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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