I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize