Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
These tits shall not be calmed
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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