i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
