the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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