Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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