You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
