i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
last night I used snow as a chaser
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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