I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
