she takes plan B like it's going out of style
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
