Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
