I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
