I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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