he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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